What's Wrong With You?

I feel as though it hit me like a ton of bricks or more accurately as though I hit a brick wall. I have had struggles with depression throughout my entire adult life, I was acutely aware that Post Partum Depression was probably just around the corner from my happy-everything is great-post baby state. Maybe it came on slowly over the past few months and I didn't notice the flags? Either way, it hit hard a week ago, leaving me feeling completely debilitated. At first I thought I was just feeling a bit unmotivated, but as it continued, I knew I had no real choice but to get help.

What does PPD feel/look like? If you haven't experience depression before it might take you longer to recognize and everyone has a different experience. There are general symptoms (of course the internet is a wealth of information) and I can only really speak about what post partum depression feels like for me. 

I became unable to do anything, basically. Getting out of bed at all was a struggle but I did that because my girls needed me to take care of them. Taking care of them became a bare bones operation during that first week. I would change diapers and feed as necessary but basically that was the extent of what I could do with them. Holding Arya became a struggle, I was not feeling bonded with her. I had no joy or delight in their smiles and laughs.  They were clean and fed and in no danger, I never felt as though I would hurt them or myself although this is a more severe symptom of PPD. I should say right now that if you ever have even a passing thought that involves harming your child, call someone for help...midwives, the hospital, your family and get help. No one is going to judge you but you need help.

For a week I sat on the couch reading while my husband was at work. I was unable to clean anything, or leave the house, or talk to people. I cried, I cried a lot. I cried over nothing and everything. PPD makes me feel like everything is amiss. Nothing is right. I am extremely sad and unhappy but I can't quite put a finger on what exactly is wrong. I had a crushing feeling that I was doing everything wrong, failing my children in some way, a general disappointment.

On Friday I just could not take care of my children alone any more, it was doing them no good. My 2 year old was much too aware of my state, telling me repeatedly that she loved me and not to be sad; which made me cry more. I was finally able to work up the courage to call the doctor ( if you have ever suffered from depression then you know what I am talking about) and I went in that day. The doctor I saw was very nice, super helpful and reassuring.

So, I am now medicated, in a way that seems overwhelming. Adjusting to medication is difficult, there are side effects I would rather not have at the moment, such as dizziness. I am taking two medications, one for depression and one for anxiety (another thing I have dealt with throughout adulthood). My medication options are very limited because I breastfeed, but even if you do there are things you can take to help you.I have follow up appointments in the coming weeks. It is in itself overwhelming but I am doing my best not to think about it, sending me into an anxiety spiral.

I definitely do not want to talk about this. I don't want to be writing this post at all, I would much rather keep it in. I also know that I am very lucky to have seen very quickly that I was dealing with Post Partum Depression, something other new mothers may not realize. It is so important for us to allow ourselves to be comfortable telling someone when we need help, not to feel ashamed or embarrassed. There is no reason at all that anyone should be suffering through because they are scared to speak up. I want anyone who hasn't gotten help to know that it's ok, it's not your fault, you aren't to blame, you definitely aren't a bad mother and there is nothing at all to be embarrassed about.

I will do my best to update on progress, I'm sure my medication will start to fully work in the coming weeks. In the mean time I am just trying to push on.

Giveaway: Disney on Ice Dare to Dream

Disney on Ice is already back in Boston with a new show, Dare to Dream! This is great news for those of you that were travelling around the holidays and missed the great show that just came through town. I'm thrilled to offer another 4 pack of tickets to a great show for the family.

"Get tangled up in the newest thrilling show to hit the ice, Disney On Ice presents Dare to Dream. Experience Disney’s hilarious hair-raising escapade, Tangled; as Rapunzel, her unlikely companion, Flynn, and Maximus, embark on an uproarious journey that takes adventure to new lengths!  Boogie to the beat of the bayou with Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen in a magical, musical journey that all begins with a fateful kiss.  And fanciful dreams become reality as Cinderella meets her Prince Charming, with a glass slipper fit for an unforgettable fantasy come true. All your favorite princesses take to the ice in a spectacular finale at the ultimate Disney Princess event of a lifetime!  Experience the beauty, sparkle, and spirit when Disney On Ice presents Dare to Dream comes to your hometown!"

Buy!(disount below)

Playing School Vacation Week!
Fri. FEB. 17 - Sun. FEB. 26 | TD Garden

 

3 Easy Steps To Purchase!

CLICK HERE: http://bit.ly/uCPdD3

Step 1: Choose your performance

Step 2: Under Advance or Promotion Ticket Selection, choose the $25 price level

Step 3: Enter code EARLYMOM

DON’T MISS OPENING NIGHT -
TICKETS $15!
Fri. FEB. 17 at the 7:00 PM performance. 

Win!

Enter to win tickets to Disney On Ice! opening night, February 17 @ 7pm.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Post Holiday Crafts

The week before Christmas meant our UPS guy was hard at work, there were days when it looked like Amazon.com exploded on our front porch. Shopping online is way easier for me then going to a brick and mortar store because I am with my children 24/7, it's hard to sneak anything past a 2 year old. As I started to unpack all of these cardboard boxes, some sizeable, I thought there must be something we can do with these in lieu of recycling. Most of us remember playing in boxes when we were children, just plain cardboard boxes were pretty awesome. I wanted that for Coraline, but in the interest of going over the top for my kid we took it a bit further. 

So, on Christmas Eve, instead of sitting around doing nothing or baking cookies (because I had already made so many the week before) or watching Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer again....we built a play house.

* I took these pictures with my phone, so they aren't the best.

The great thing about having a 2 year old is that she doesn't care what it looks like, as long as it is fun and functional. So, we went over the top with fun colors. The house itself is made of 2 huge boxes and several smaller ones for the roof. I covered a large part of the house in leftover Christmas wrapping paper (stripes) and the rest is covered with colored duct tape, which is super awesome. I hung a strand of led Christmas lights in the house so it wasn't super dark. I might make her curtains and possibly do some more work inside, neither of which Coraline cares one bit about. The entire house cost approximately $10 in duct tape to make...plus the hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas gifts that came in the boxes :)

Welcome 2012

Remember when you were like, 10 and 2012 was the distant future? Remember when the future meant flying cars, meals in pill form and being an adult. Remember when you thought being an adult meant you could stay up as late as you want and eat cookies and ice cream for breakfast? Then you got to college and actually ate cookies and ice cream for breakfast after not going to sleep at all only to find out that it's a recipe for disaster, and that was the moment you began to get old. Then 2012 comes and you look around thinking, "there is no way i can be 32 already and whose kids are these?" Maybe that is just me.

Really though, where does time go. At this time last year I had no idea that I would spend the majority of 2011 pregnant with Arya, it's crazy to think about that. One year can bring a lot of change, be on the lookout. I would post a 2011 year in review but that seems like way more work then I have time for right now. And, in the interest of full disclosure and complete honesty, my memory kind of sucks; a side effect from an over indulgence in too many drugs in my twenties.

What I do remember is that early last year I found out I was pregnant with Arya, we bought a car, we bought a house, we moved. Coraline went from walking to running, from babbling to speaking in sentences, to becoming a full fledged toddler (ie tantrums). Arya was born at 8lbs 5 ounces, giving me the chubby cherub baby that Coraline was not.  We took in 3 cats from the street because we are bleeding heart liberals or maybe because of something else I can't put my finger on. I continued to miss my family that live everywhere but Boston and my best friend who selfishly went to grad school in the south. I became Vice President of the Boston Babywearers and built a website for Growing Up Children's Resale Boutique. I attended my first and thus far only blog seminar. I did a terrible job at blog upkeep and friend correspondence during pregnancy. I attempted to get back in the swing of things.

I have done a lot in life, I have lived all over the country, travelled and met people that you would believe were straight out of a Kurt Vonnegut story, so I am definitely an "expect the unexpected" kind of thinker. I do know some things will not change in 2012...I will still sit in my house and get a panic attack because I will never have enough time or energy to clean it. I will still have mountains of laundry to wash and fold and put away. Most days will be very "lather, rinse, repeat" in nature.  But my daughters will continue to make me laugh with perfectly timed jokes, smiles and dancing. The future...where I won't hold out for a flying car but would settle for a gps that actually work. *

* I feel slightly elitist with this gps comment even though it is true. In 2001 I drove from Pennsylvania to Michigan and back again using a map...a map that was printed on paper which came from trees! I drew the route in red crayon. gps. haha.

Vicks Winter Warm Up or Tips for Cold and Flu Season

Last week was crazy hectic for me, good and bad. On the plus side time flies when you have a million things to do, on the negative side time has flown past before you get to do everything on your list. One of the awesome things I got to take part in was the Winter Warm Up event sponsored by Kaz, the maker of many Vicks products. I jumped at the chance to attend, it's no secret that my daughter is obsessed with Vicks VapoRub and our Vicks Humidifier. True story, Coraline woke up one morning and as I walked into the room she said "Mommy medicine, I did it". I know that I don't leave medicine out, so my eyes quickly scanned the area to put 2 and 2 together. I spotted the Vicks VapoRub on the bedside table and smelled my daughter, she had put it on herself as soon as she woke up. She even screwed the top back on the jar.

Something I am always keen to do is have the chance to listen to some awesome speakers at events. Winter Warm Up was no different, with Dr. Meg Meeker author of the book "10 Habits of Healthy Mothers". Not only is Dr. Meeker an author and pediatrician, she is a mother. Don't you always feel more comfortable getting advice about your children when it comes from another mother? I do. She offered insight into cold and flu season not just as a pediatrician but as a mother who has been there.

I'm not going to lie, a lot of these tips are probably things you already know or things you would think to do if you just trust your instincts, which leads us to tip #1.

#1 Always trust your intuition. I have said this countless times here at The Girl Is A Mom. I can not put enough emphasis on the amazing thing that is a mothers gut instinct. You know your children better then any other person (probably even their fathers) and you know when something is not right. If you think your child is sick or something is off, have them checked out!

#2 Don't let anyone push you aside with some lame answer. I can't tell you how many times I have felt rushed in the doctors office or felt like someone wasn't listening to me. Sometimes I think we hold doctors on some pedestal because they have a hard job or know so much about medicine. I might not know every virus out there or be able to prescribe medication for my child, but I can tell you that I know when something is wrong. I also know when something is more severe then a doctor might be telling me, so you sit in the office and demand answers!

#3 Don't listen to your grandmother! I've definitely said this before also, parenting is different now then it was when we were children and way way more different then when our parents were children. If you get advice that doesn't seem kosher, smile and politely decline....no I don't think I will put my child in an ice bath to bring a fever down, or rub alcohol all over them, or ...insert crazy things that were done to children back in the day.

Definitely some very easy things you can do to help prevent the spread of cold and flu this season (and here in Boston that hits hard). 

Flu Vaccine

Wash wash wash those hands

Wash your thermometer (I admit I always forget to do this)

Have your supplies ready before anyone is sick!

Vicks has a great line of products that can help you fight the good fight this year. The new Behind The Ear Thermometer is simply awesome. It is an acurate, noninvasive reading (perfect for the small babies and squirmy toddlers) and it gives a reading in 1 second. I tried this out immediately, of course, and fell in love.  Coraline loves anything doctor related so taking her temp. has never been hard, Arya is just little so she doesn't much care. The thing I love most about it aside from the quick read out, it stores the last 8 temp. readings! That is awesome if you have a child with a fever but can't quite remember what the temp. was 30 minutes ago or the first time you took it this morning. Anything over 100 is considered a fever and some children are just fine with a fever.  Coraline has never really acted much different between normal and 103.  It would take someone who knew Cora really well to ever see that something was wrong with her. 

We run a Vicks humidifier every night in our room, we have a large stand up unit that is about 2 feet tall which I can't find a link to, but we love it. It really acts as a dual use machine providing not just humidity into the air but also the much needed white noise. White noise will do a super job to help your kids sleep better, or yourself.  Vicks newest humidifier is the Starry Night Cool Mist. Perfect for the kids rooms, this humidifier provides cool mist and it projects a starry night sky onto the ceiling. I mean let's face it, the poor children are laying sick in their bed, the least we could do is give them something to look at.

I learned a few things about humidity in the house that I didn't know before...

Humidity should be between 40-60%. Don't know what your house is measuring? Get a Humidity Gauge

A study was done recently that shows the flu virus can not thrive when the humidity is between 40% and 60%, which is awesome.

Cool mist or warm mist? It is entirely up to you. I always thought there was a big difference but no, it's really personal preference.

Humidity can really help clear up congestion which I know we all get here in New England during the winter. I feel that especially in older houses (I don't know anyone that has a newer house in New England) it's important to run humidifiers. If your baby or child is congested, like Arya was the other night, take them into the bathroom, run a super hot shower and just sit in the steam. It really clears them up. For older kids, it can help alot to let them run around outside where the air is naturally full of moisture.

Last but not least, saline spray is great for breaking up the gross stuff that gets in kids noses. They hate it. They will not want you to spray saline up their nose, but it really helps. You spray and then suck it out. Dr. Meeker suggested an ear aspirator to really get up there, we use the Nose Frida and love that. Whatever you feel comfortable with works. You are going to feel like a terrible person as your baby screams bloody murder while you spray crap in their nose, but it will help so much!

Thank you so much to Boston Parent Bloggers for the opportunity and to our hosts Kaz (the makers of many Vicks Products) and Finale Bakery in Boston. The dessert and lunch we were given was to die for, you can order online :)

*I was given lunch and a gift back with the aforementioned products for free. I wasn't compensated for this post, the opinions are entirely my own.